chokedout | (no subject)

It feels like a dream when I try to think about it Maybe I blocked it out Brains do that sometimes right?

[ Is he rambling? ]

U do know I'm a monster U've seen it

brains do that, yeah. i think it's to make it easier for us to deal with.

you're not a monster. you're a werewolf.

They're the same thing

[ Oh no, not the self-hatred reveal ]

Has it happened to u Blocking out things

babe, you are nowhere near the level of evil needed to be considered a monster
i've dealt with monsters. you are not one. and never will be, in my eyes

[At least, he hopes. Because he puts his heart in Dom's hands these days and it'd be so easy to have it crushed. Theo can deal with all sorts of physical hurt, deliberate or not, but the only things that would actually break him are the things good people like Dom would never do. He's just not the type.]

some things, yeah. lives, really
it's like if i dig, i can get it back but i don't want to dig
i'd rather just carry on

[ Dom isn't convinced that he's not a monster — if he isn't, that means the creature that murdered his father and cursed him is innocent, too. It's just not a reality he can live in. ]

Do u remember killing anyone?

I remember trying to
Typically I was the one getting murdered, though

[ Terrified he might be the next person now. ]

Sorry

[ And he can't even begin to imagine what that's like. Dying over and over, having one life after another... It makes it hard to match Theo and Teddie in his head. It makes him scared that Teddie might end up having a similar fate.

Or maybe he's been lying about it to Dom this whole time. Maybe he didn't know about it, so it's not actually lying. Maybe— ]

Why were u trying to kill

Willem only gets worse every time I cross paths with him. I've been trying to avoid him for the last while but there were some occasions he'd put me in a position where I felt helpless and hopeless. He'd find and hurt the people I loved and cared for. So I wanted to kill him for it. I still do, if I'm being honest. But I know it's not going to do anything until I can break this curse.

Do you think I'm a monster for that?

For defending urself and the people u love? Ur not a monster for that No way

part of it was feeling put in a corner and scared, you know?
not fully in control and acting out of emotion

still don't think i'm a monster for that either?

U were still defending urself tho U wouldn't want him dead if he wasn't hurting people right?

right

but why do you think you're a monster when you're just protecting yourself too?
you're learning how to be yourself on your own here
you can't blame yourself for your own reactions either

That's not the same... It didn't even matter that Jules and Felix were my friends, I still tried to hurt them All I ever do is try to hurt people My moms had to use silver to make sure I stopped

yeah but they're your friends but did you trust them?
you said before that the only people who've been successful besides us in helping you were your moms
you don't have those here. of course you're gonna feel on edge? scared?
we do a lot of things when we're scared that we wouldn't otherwise

if the two people you trust most still had silver in their pockets
of course you'll be wary of your friends too
it doesn't mean you're bad

just scared. i promise

[ There are so many starts and so many stops. Things typed and deleted over and over. ]

I wish they could meet u My moms Teddie That's probably weird

maybe i'll get to, sometime
but i'm glad to have you here

and i hope you know i'm here for you too
for whatever you need

Glad ur here too U know u can count on me too My magic sucks but if I can help with the curse...

i appreciate that
i feel like i'd rather procrastinate than get back to trying to break it
but i'll get around to it. and i'd like it - having you there to help

we can leave jules out tho
his vibe would harsh us out

Yea I don't think he'll mind if we leave him out But u gotta get rid of it That's how u get rid of Willem too right?

i wish
this was secondary. he put it on me when he realized i was starting to figure out my magic

the other curse is
i don't know
i guess it's in me and in him

[ A curse that's in them... oh no. ]

U can't do anything about that one?

i dunno. it's a dick deep dive on dark magic at the very least
i don't really remember the specifics anymore just...
it was a really fucked up spell

[... maybe august can help.]

But it's been done before In February? It was all gone for a while

[ The... implication being that he could get rid of the werewolf, too. uhm ]

Everything here is fucked up anyway

i guess you're right
i didn't like losing my magic though

you sure you don't want me to come hang with you?

Yea I didn't like it either Or the stupid powers we got

[ Well. Theo was one of the smart few who held off on the library's temporary solution. ]

U can come but I'm boring today

[ read: sad ]