chokedout | (no subject)

(no subject)

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bitchface

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Yeah? What about? (If I can ask)

the fact that he thinks nobody likes him.

oh

not liking the sound of that

he's okay. it's just something us lonely weird kids think sometimes.

I know, I get it
I just

I dunno

I get sad when people I love don't feel my love the way I thought they did

oh he feels it! it's friends, not boyfriends.

shouldn't i count for both?

it's different.

which am I for you?

my friend.

i love you so much, but i know we're not like
romantic?

what do you think?

Yeah, that makes sense
I love you a lot, Iggs

Theo, you know I'm not mad, right?

Yeah

Sorry, I'm just
being really self aware right now

talk to me.

i get stuck sometimes in this... rut of just
not feeling like I'm doing enough
like i'm not enough

even when I know I'm doing everything I can
and like- like now? it makes sense. i get it.
but i just feel this ghost of a feeling telling me it's me

Theo. you can't force yourself to be something for people.

how do i force myself to stop feeling like i'm lacking

first let me get this straight, like, not in general but between you and me, ok?

you feel lacking because you can't be my boyfriend? because you're an incredible friend and someone I trust completely?

It's not...

I'm just learning these distinctions. Every life I lived prior to this one, I didn't get to have distinctions. I always ended up in one role to one person and straying out of that got me or them killed for it. I guess I'm just learning to exist without feeling like I have to overperform. But I still feel lacking, because of it?

It's a me thing, Iggs. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to drag it onto your lap to have to deal with.

don't apologise for having feelings, dummy. i love you, that means wanting to be here for you.

you're not lacking. you are so, so much.

but like, i think i get what you mean, now.

Well, know that that's what I want for you too.

Even if I talk about myself an awful lot - okay?

theo you really don't talk about yourself all that much. and you don't have to worry about me ok? I'm doing fine.

promise to call me out if i get too self absorbed, okay?

wanna borrow a movie from the rental room and chill later?
or are you seeing cumboy (affectionate) again

i promise.

omfg Theo!
and i can chill. unless you're seeing your old man with the black lung.

i'll pencil us in, provided we're able to keep ourselves from our respectively alluring partners

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dead_tongue - 2025-05-26 03:38 (UTC) - Expand

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chokedout - 2025-05-27 05:39 (UTC) - Expand

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